Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
