Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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