At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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