theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
