I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
My ass is underappreciated
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
