You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
