I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
