it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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