Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
