Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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