You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
