Apparently you make a good broom.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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