I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
