my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
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