dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
