Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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