thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
