Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
