Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
