you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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