My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
