the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
this just has baby written all over it
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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