I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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