i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Randomize
