there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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