What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
