i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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