Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He has the fingertips of a God
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