she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
