Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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