i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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