Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
