I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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