Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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