I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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