He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
