Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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