it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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