Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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