I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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