the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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