Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
