put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
