Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
