So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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