..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
