white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
