You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
