did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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