I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
is wine microwaveable?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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