my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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