i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
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