note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
