that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
