I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
