Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
