It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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