I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
