How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
