IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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