How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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