I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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