I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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