You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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