Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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